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Posted by on Aug 18, 2014 in Blog | 1 comment

What is a Soul Friend?

What is a Soul Friend?


Anam Charas (Soul Friends)

In everyone’s life, there is great need for an anam chara, a soul friend. In this love you are understood as you are without mask or pretension. The superficial and functional lies and half-truths of acquaintance fall away. You can be as you truly are…. The anam chara is God’s gift…

John 0’Donohue


Just as Jesus lived in community, we are created to need one another. Within His wider community, Jesus walked closely with twelve disciples and even more intimately with Peter, James, and John. He invited these three to share in His high moments, like the Transfiguration, and His lowest points, like Gethsemane. Everyone needs a few deep friends – those who know who we are, as well as what we do; who laugh and play and pray together; who intentionally offer support and encouragement, reminding us of our true belovedness before God. Such a healthy, interdependent friendship reflects the love of the Trinity.


Over the years I adopted so many masks and roles that I lost sight of who I really was. When I found the courage to speak my questions and doubts within a small group, I was not taken seriously (“You’re too hard on yourself”) or my feelings were dismissed with pithy phrases (“Don’t feel like that. God knows what’s best for you.”) I longed for a few friends with whom I could re-discover my true self and learn to speak my truth.


Such relationships don’t just happen; they require a prayerful desire, searching, and intentional sharing of hearts. The Gaelic name for this type of friendship is anam chara, meaning soul friend. The anam chara acts as mentor, companion, prayer partner, and spiritual guide. The emphasis is on spiritual companionship and direction instead of today’s romantic notion of the “soul-mate.” The relationship is much deeper and often lasts a lifetime.


Read how important having an anam chara was for Celtic Christians:


Go forth and eat nothing until you get a

soul-friend, for anyone without a soul-friend is; like

a body without a head; is like the water of a

polluted lake, neither good for drinking nor for washing.

That is the person without a soul-friend.

– St. Brigit of Kildare


Don’t go around “headless”….find someone to share your journey!


New triads (groups of three) begin in September, meeting for two hours once a month. If you are looking for “a safe place on your dangerous journey,” prayerfully consider joining us – either individually or in a triad (group of three.) For more information or to register, see:


***Do you have a soul friend? Tell us about them by posting a reply below***


1 Comment

  1. I love the St. Brigit quote. A soul friend is more sustaining and life-giving than food.